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主题:求助---TO晓晓MM [17]
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晓晓MM,谢谢你愿意帮我:)
我的英语水平实在有限,想请教你这份样题中的第一大题,就是读文章写commentary的这个题。

我不明白的地方是:
1。这个summarize要写多长,是两句话概括呢还是写成和commentary融合的一整篇文章呢?
2。commentary怎么写呢?是要agreee/disagree这两个观点呢,还是根据他这个亚裔华人的subject写写我自己的看法呢?

我已经困扰了好久了,凭我自己的这点英语水平大概是琢磨不出来了,呵呵,希望晓晓MM指点:)


题目地址:
http://www.bfsu.edu.cn/publish/department/45/files/2010-9-28412.doc
№0 ☆☆☆和泫 2010-10-02 20:31:55留言☆☆☆  加书签 投诉 不再看TA

I.  Summarize the two views (that of the author and that he criticizes) in the following passage and then write a commentary. Your answer should not exceed 1000 words (50%)
 
Asian Americans have increasingly come to be viewed as a “model minority”. But are they as successful as claimed? And for whom are they supposed be model?
     The model minority thesis first surfaced in the mid-1960s when journalists began publicizing the high educational attainment levels, high median incomes, low crime rates, and absence of juvenile delinquency and mental health problems among Asian Americans. This publicity served an important political purpose at the HEIGHT of the civil rights movement: proponents of the thesis were in fact telling Black and Chicano activists that they should following examples set by Asian Americans who work hard to pull themselves up by the bootstraps instead of using ,militant protests to obtain their rights.
     Until today, similar political rhetoric can still be heard. Many politicians and pundits ask: “If Asian Americans can make it with their stress on hard work and education, why can’t African Americans?” Such comparisons pit minorities against each other and generate African American resentment toward Asian Americans. The victims are blamed for their plight, rather than racism or an economy that has made many young African- American workers superfluous.
     Without question, the socioeconomic status of Asian Americans as a whole has improved since the early 1940s. The median family income of Asian Americans in 1990 ($42,240) stood above the national average ($35,225). Asian American households are more affluent than any other racial or ethnic group including Whites. Asian Americans also have an enviable record of educational achievement, with almost twice the national average of college graduates.
     The figures, however, can be misleading. The celebration of Asian American success has obscured reality.
     First, most Asian-Americans live in California, Hawaii and New York – states with higher incomes and higher costs of living than the national average. Thus, while Asian Americans living there may earn more, they also have to spend more. The so-called high earnings of Asian-Americans relative to Caucasians are really deceptive. Comparing family incomes is even more tricky. Some Asian-American groups do have higher family incomes than Caucasians. But they have more workers per family. For example, in 60% of Chinese American families (compared to only 51% among the US population as a whole), more than one person worked, which helps to account for their higher family income. If per capita income, rather than family income, had been used as the measure, then Chinese Americans are making considerably less than the national average.
     Second, a detailed study of the San Francisco-Oakland Standard Metropolitan Statistical Area showed that Asian Americans were unevenly distributed in the economy. Professionals clustered in accounting, dentistry, nursing, health technology, and engineering and were underrepresented in law, teaching, administration, social services, and higher levels of the medical professions. Managers were more likely to be self-employed than employees of large firms. Sales persons were retail clerks but seldom brokers or insurance agents. Clerical workers were mostly file clerk, typists, or office machine operators, and not secretaries or receptionists. Few Asian American held jobs in the heavy machine, electrical, paper, chemical, or construction industries. Most female operatives were garment workers. In short, Asian Americans were concentrated in occupations that did not pay as well as other jobs in the same industry.
     Third, the low unemployment rate of Asian Americans – another measure often used to depict their economic success – merely camouflages high underemployment. Wary of being on welfare, many Asian American workers apparently would rather hold low-paid, part-time, or seasonal jobs than receive public assistance.
     Fourth, the high labor force participation rate of Asian American women – supposedly a sign of their ready acceptance by employers – is in reality a reflection of the fact that more Asian American women are compelled to work because the male members of their families earn such low wages. It is true that working Asian American women earn a higher median income than do white working women, a larger percentage of them work full time, which helps to drive their median income upward. But despite their high educational level, they receive lower returns to their education than do white women, while the disparity between their returns and those of white men is even greater. In other words, they are not receiving earnings that are commensurate with their years of schooling.
     Fifth, with regard to the educational attainment of Asian Americans, the sizable influx of highly educated professionals after1965 has inflated the average years of schooling completed。Critics of the model minority stereotype point out that the most important consideration should not be educational level, but returns to education, which more clearly reveal the existence of discrimination. For Asian Americans, their returns are still not on a par with those received by white men. For example, since some Asian professionals haven’t been able to find professional jobs, they have bought small businesses, thereby increasing the number of “managers” in the Asian Americans – particularly the Korean American – population. In 1988, more than three-quarters of Korean greengrocers, those so-called paragons of bootstrap entrepreneurialism, came to America with a college education. Engineers, teachers or administrators while in Korea, they became shopkeepers after their arrival. For many of them, the green grocery represents dashed dreams, a step downward in status. Moreover, many of them operate only small mom-and-pop stores with no paid employees and very low gross earnings. They run a high risk of failure and work long hours. Many of them could not stay afloat ere it not for the unpaid labor they extract from their spouses, children, and other relatives.
     Finally the “model minority” image homogenizes Asian Americans, hides their difference and obscures the poverty found within their ranks. For example, while thousands of Vietnamese-American young people attend universities, other are on the streets. They live in motels and hang out in pool halls in places like East Los Angeles; some join gangs. Hmong and Mien refugees from Laos have unemployment rates that reach as high as 80 percent. A 1987 California study showed that 3 out of 10 Southeast Asian refugee families had been on welfare for 4 to 10 years. Even within the relatively successful groups, such as Chinese Americans and Korean Americans, there are serious problems and difficulties. 25% of the people in New York City’s Chinatown lived below the poverty level in 1980, compared with 17% of the city’s population. Some 60% of the workers in the Chinatowns of Los Angeles and San Francisco crowded into low-paying jobs in garment factories and restaurants. It is the same with Korean Americans. Most of the Korean immigrants do not become shopkeepers. Instead, many find themselves trapped as clerks in grocery stores, service workers in restaurants, seamstresses in garment factories and janitors in hotels.
     In sum, most Americans know their “success” or “superiority” is largely a myth. They also see how the celebration of Asian-Americans as a “model minority” perpetuates their inequality and exacerbates relations between them and other minorities, esp. African-Americans.
 
 
 
啊,我真傻,直接贴出来不就好了。
№1 ☆☆☆和泫2010-10-02 20:33:32留言☆☆☆ 
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晓晓MM讲的我差不多都明白了,关于你的最后一点if you don't know anything about this topic beforehand, you can still write a successful commentary by just analyze this article on its own and present your response / reaction to it using. 我的问题是,using什么呢?考试的时候肯定不会出这一篇了,我该怎么应对我不熟悉的材料内容呢。晓晓的意思是不是就根据那篇文章中提供的information也可以写出好的commentary啊?
 
然后我发现光空想是不行的,于是实践了一下。写了一篇,哈哈。我已经改了语法错误了,晓晓MM可以帮我看一下吗
 
我在写的过程中又发现了我的其他问题:
1。中式英语用法很多,很多表达比较不准确,大概是中国学生的通病了,这个可以怎么改进呢
2。论证不严密,段落之间和段落内部联系不严谨,这个是不是通过注意练习就可以改进呢。
№3 ☆☆☆和泫2010-10-04 11:03:55留言☆☆☆ 
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The stereotype of "model minority" surfaced at the HEIGHT of Civil Right Movement is still heard today. Asian Americans are set as paragon in virtue of their high median incomes, high educational levels, low criminal rates and so on.
Yet the author of this passage holds an opposing position to this common sense, regarding the image of "model minority" as a mere political promotion aimed at inhibiting Afrian Americans and Chicano activists from calling for rights at its emergence, and a stereotype that obscures the real condition of Asian Americans and exacerbates minority relations at present.
(I have put the summary of the author's position above, and should I put the summary of the six points of evidence seperately here?or is it uncessary because i can insert them in my following commentary?)
  
Based on six points of evidence, the autior's argument is objective and resonable. He probes deep into the truth/fact and discloses the real living condition of AAs(Asian Americans) that have long been hidden behind the honer of MM("model minority").
In terms of the preach of the higher median income of the AAs, the preachers of MM have been leading the masses into noticing their mere high income while ignoring the other indicating factors of their actual living standards. As the author has pointed out in his first point,higher income adds to higher expenditure equals nought for the most of AAs living in major cities with highest cost level. As a result, their living qualities do not match their high income. And the statement of family income is more misleading, resulting from the fact that more members are compelled to work to support the family. The image of MM trickily eludes the truth and embellishes the AAs' living condition. What the author mentioned in the final point is even more startling---the homogenizing image of MM has concealed the miserable lives of some impoverished minorities like those from Southeast Asia.
As for the educational levels, the author insightfully uncovers the long-ignored reality hidden behind the advocated "high educational attainment levels". The fact of low returns to education among the AAs pointed out in the author's fifth point is revealing---the dramatical contrast between those Koreans' ability as professionals and their identity as shopkeepers discloses the AAs' unmatched occupation with educational levels as well as the nation's unhealthy employment system abundant with inequality.
And the author raised the concept of "underemployment" to debate the advocated high employment rate of the AAs. Besides the low return of education, the AAs are concentrating in labor-oriented job areas as is revealed in the second point of evidence. In his third point, the author insightfully points out the fact of underemployment among the AAs. Equipped with the traditional characteristics of delligence and independence, the AAs tend to live on themselves through hard work rather than live on aids, which drives them to take the occupations that do not match their abilities. However, this is not to become the excuse for keeping so much a part of them in the labor-oriented jobs that demands for physical strength rather than their intelligence and creativity. As far as I am concerned, the employment system is to be reformed in order to better their state of being inferior in competition with the white for the same job chances.
As a female, I feel rather touched to the AA female's condition mentioned in the fourth point. According to the author, AA women's high income is due to their husbands' failure to support the family(which is also indicative of the AAs' low living standard). Personally, I feel sympethetic to my fellow women, for the fact that I know of them working as cheap labors.  The AA women, known as traditional and maternal, by nature tend to be a housewife rather than to pursue the sort of "equal rights" with men and try to establish their own careers. In another word, their sense of women rights and entrepreneurship is not so intense as western women. Just because of this, the fact of their higher employment rate reflects their worrying living condition of being forced to work by the living condition.
(About this point of women, is it to farfetched? for I know I have arbitrarily generalized asian women as housewives without ambitions at all, is this point too personalized? can I write like this in order to support my viewpoint, or can I write oppositely to debate the author, i.e, retain this point to the ending as a opposing to the author himself?)
Finally, as for minority relations, the author is wise in disclosing the fact that the AAs are pushed under the spotlight just in order to set an intrigued example for the Blacks and Latinos who are told to keep quiet and never raise riots. This, consequently, exacerbates the minority relations, which is very harmful to national unification. As far as I am concerned, to really solve the minority problems, measures should be taken focusing on bettering their actual living conditions according to their real needs and furthing reforming the systematical roots of the unbalanced development extent and living conditions of the white and the minorities in such a multi-ethnical nation like America.
Nevertheless, still, the author is being a little blind in recognizing the AAs. As an Asian myself, I'm fully aware that we, as an independent and hard-working nationality, deserve the honor of being regarded as models. By virtue of the traditional good qualities that enabled us to face challenges and obstructions, we are able to surve despite the adversities.
№4 ☆☆☆和泫2010-10-04 11:53:27留言☆☆☆ 
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***** Sometimes it doesn't even matter if the arguments you have came up with are factually INaccurate or not as long as they don't deduce the logistics.   ****
Minor adjustment :P
№7 ☆☆☆晓晓2010-10-05 03:20:42留言☆☆☆ 
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omg i just read that sentence again and realized that i was correct the first time... this is embarrassing.. @_@ Sorry!
№8 ☆☆☆晓晓2010-10-05 03:22:47留言☆☆☆ 
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我的问题是,using什么呢?考试的时候肯定不会出这一篇了,我该怎么应对我不熟悉的材料内容呢。晓晓的意思是不是就根据那篇文章中提供的information也可以写出好的commentary啊?
 
Yes, using the information given in the article. Sorry for my incompletion and thanks for filling in the blank for me :)
 
What you need to keep in mind, when reading something discussing topics that you have never heard of before, is to keep everything very focused on what was provided for you. Although I encouraged you to elaborate and explain by giving more personal examples, this can only be done so after discussing the topic from solely the author's perspective. In another word, you are basically digesting / analyzing for your audience of what the author has said. So they, as audience, who have never read the original article, should be able to get a sense of what it was about in addition to reading what you have to say in response.  Does that make any sense?  Let me know if it sounds too vague. Also if there are more practice questions like this one, feel free to pose them up and we can discuss them together.
 
 
№9 ☆☆☆晓晓2010-10-05 03:33:14留言☆☆☆ 
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哓哓我昨天出去逛街了,玩了一天……真是惭愧呀 想上来给你留言呢,结果手机没电了,我也没有电脑 今天一大早就来啦。
 
谢谢你细心的修改,我真的觉得受益匪浅,我需要改进的地方真的太多了。
你现在应该在休息吧,好梦:)
 
下面说说作文:
1。关于那个结尾,我自己写的时候也觉得不知道哪里有点别扭了。我写这样的结尾的主要原因是:我觉得可以像写GRE的issue作文那样,先同意再反对,这样显得不要太绝对;同样,写这篇评论的时候我也想先写赞同再写写不同意见,请问可以这样吗?
 
2。关于我的拼写错误,真是太惭愧了= =我还声称我已经改了低级错误呢,我知道给人修改作文最怕这种低级错误了,真的对不起,我以后会很注意的。
 
3.Just [delete just] because of this, the fact of their higher employment rate reflects their worrying living condition of being forced to work by the living condition [I didn’t really understand this sentence].
=-=虽然这段关于female的很囧 我还是解释一下这句吧
我当时写的时候是这么个意思:正因为亚洲女性这种传统 她们被迫出去打工才更显得悲惨=。=
(不过通过晓晓的分析我明白了我这种观点从根本上就是牵强附会的,有问题的,不要管我这个解释啦)
 
 
4。关于你提到的这一点:
 I like the way you structured your essay. You basically responded to the author employing the same structure as he/she did.  But you have a choice here: You can respond to all six of the points and discuss each separately, or you can pick two or three points of which you think are the highlights and discuss each of them in depth. For example, points 4&5 can be merged since both talks about Asian Americans' education in reference with their working / living conditions. Yet this two points can also be discussed in very different lights if you were to put them under the context of gender differences.
 
晓晓的意思是不是我这样引用原文显得有点乱了呢?因为我是想到哪就写哪,而更好的顺序是按照原作者的6点本来的顺序,会比较有条理,是这样吗?
 
5。关于你在回帖的结尾告诉我的,应对陌生的题材的方法我已经完全明白了(之前我一直在纠结怎么写那些从没接触过的话题,现在我终于搞明白了)。你真是个有才的MM啊,呵呵,能得到你的帮助我太幸运了,不然的话我还在孤军奋战而且不得其法呢。O(∩_∩)O~再次感谢~
 
№10 ☆☆☆和泫2010-10-06 08:35:34留言☆☆☆ 
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其实俺很高兴能帮上忙啊! 说老实话我没写过多少commentary, 所以帮你也等于帮我自己咯 ^_^
 
 
1。关于那个结尾,我自己写的时候也觉得不知道哪里有点别扭了。我写这样的结尾的主要原因是:我觉得可以像写GRE的issue作文那样,先同意再反对,这样显得不要太绝对;同样,写这篇评论的时候我也想先写赞同再写写不同意见,请问可以这样吗?
 
你说的很对, 这种议论文完全可以容纳不同意见。 你赞同作者的意见,但也不等于全部赞同; 反对, 不等于全权否认。 毕竟议论文需要你抒发自己的想法和意见,所以写不同意见是应被允许甚至是被提倡的。 我认为最后一段不妥当的原因是啥涅..啊喀, 其实我也不知道怎么恰当的表述哈, 汗下。。
 
我觉着可能你说的与原文可能还是不太相关. 因为作者想表达地是啥 - 就是所谓 ”模范少数民族“ 这个词其实被政客使用时并不是用来称颂 racial minorities, 而是用来掩饰种族不平等的微妙处与复杂性 - 因为这牵涉到少数民族在米利坚的很多权利与机遇。 相当于给故意你扣顶高帽子好堵住你的嘴。 所以作者没有轻看或者抨击的意思啦 (相反, 他也提出因为文化原因亚裔不喜欢接受政府资助而宁肯自己做又脏又累的活), 他担心的是人们因为政客的杜撰而无法了解事情的真相或者没兴趣去探究表面以外。 当然, 你也可以说这是我的个人见解,我们可以有不同等的opinions..
 
啊! 另一个策略是, 不光提出反面意见, 你还可以提出更多问题。 就好像此作者只打开了这个领域的冰山一角, 我们完全有更多空间来研究这种社会现象 - 例, 作为公众,我们能够做什么来清除这种针对美国亚裔人群的模式化见解? 在美国这种种族阶层根深蒂固的社会环境里,如果尝试这样的推动,会遇到什么样的阻碍呢? 这种阻碍会来自于谁 blabla...
 
 
 
 
晓晓的意思是不是我这样引用原文显得有点乱了呢?因为我是想到哪就写哪,而更好的顺序是按照原作者的6点本来的顺序,会比较有条理,是这样吗?
 
:P 俺想说的是,这个选择在于 quality v. quantity. 你可以六点都选- 可是为了篇幅限制而浅尝即止, 或者只选择一两条, 但是深入讨论。 我觉得如果你能把语言打磨得更简单精炼点, 要覆盖作者所有的论证也是可行的。
 
 
其他没啥了, 其实和泫jj你的英语真挺好的。。 我觉着能在中国学成这样真的很不容易! 如果你像我一样从小就在这边生活你的英文说不定比我要好很多!
:) 祝好!
  
 
№11 ☆☆☆晓晓2010-10-06 10:17:59留言☆☆☆ 
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姐姐你数学好不? 来帮我看这道题嘛~ 满地打滚。
 
    DONALD
  + GERALD
------------
    ROBERT
 
D= 5
 
求每个字母代表的数字。。
 
 
 
俺只能推出 T=0, O 不能等于零因为T已经把零抢走了。。 O+E=O 需要前面的值 > 10, 然后把1带过去, 2L + 1 = R.. 但是 在怎样求 R 涅。。 @_@ 数学小白无压力缓缓飘过。。
№12 ☆☆☆晓晓2010-10-06 10:25:52留言☆☆☆ 
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  DONALD = 526485
+ GERALD = 197485
-----------------
  ROBERT = 723970
 
咳, 变成私人补习帖了, 你们不如到别个版块留个私人联络比较好 --- 留言这里禁止留 □□群广告和个人联系方式.........
 
№13 ☆☆☆ 留言区版工2010-10-06 16:08:08留言☆☆☆ 
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斑斑 对不起啦,我错了~~T T
 
http://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1123027-1-53.html
 
 
晓晓MM,如果国外能登这个论坛的话可以来这里看看我的作文不,这是个著名的GRE作文论坛,不过回复的话可能得麻烦你注册一下:)
我今天在写另一篇commentary,晚上如果写得完的话就发到那个地址上去。
你如果有空的话帮我看看就行啦,但是千万不要耽误你的事情哦。
 
斑斑这样可以吗?谢谢你网开一面啦!
№14 ☆☆☆和泫2010-10-07 11:12:35留言☆☆☆ 
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№14 ☆☆☆和泫于2010-10-07 11:12:35留言☆☆☆
 
没事, 没事, 俺对那条版规也是带矛盾情绪, 不过为了阻止wsn, 只好委屈亲们了
所以... 有时... 俺闪出那条版规时, 心里多少有点过意不去......
№15 ☆☆☆ 留言区版工2010-10-07 20:28:24留言☆☆☆ 
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没事, 没事, 俺对那条版规也是带矛盾情绪, 不过为了阻止wsn, 只好委屈亲们了
所以... 有时... 俺闪出那条版规时, 心里多少有点过意不去......
№15 ☆☆☆ 留言区版工于2010-10-07 20:28:24留言☆☆☆
 
呵呵,好宽容的斑斑 O(∩_∩)O~~ 我们都理解
 
再发最后一条回复:
 
晓晓MM,我今天写的作文发在这个地址了,如果有空的话可以帮我看一下吗?真的希望不要太麻烦你:)
 
http://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1123027-1-53.html
№16 ☆☆☆和泫2010-10-07 20:48:22留言☆☆☆ 
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    DONALD
  + GERALD
------------
    ROBERT
 
D= 5
 
求每个字母代表的数字。。
---------------------------------------------------
A=4 B=3 D=5 E=9 G=1  L=8 N=6 O=2 R=7 T=0
  
    526485
  + 197485
------------
    723970
№17 ☆☆☆小仓 ..2010-10-07 21:43:52留言☆☆☆ 
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